goodr CEO, Carl the Flamingo, is back on the market! His last fling resembling any kind of “relationship” ended two hours ago with Paula the Peacock storming out during a lovely Thai dinner because Carl went, “Cooochie, coochie, koo,” in a cute baby voice and play-tickled her. Apparently, it was not cute. He has never, and will never, succeed trying to be cutesy… it’s not his MO.
“Nobody wants to be ‘tickled’... but ‘tiki-d’... that sounds intriguing. When the word “tiki” is heard, it elicits thoughts of slushy sweet coconutty beverages. Cool tropical decor, and you know, a bamboo bar, and funky looking heads.
‘Tickled’... oh hellllll no. It can be fun for maybe 0.16 of a second, then, no matter who is doing the tickling, it could be Alaadin, yeah, he’s a cartoon character… okay so you didn’t feel that way about the Disney Arabian prince, ex street rat in floofy pants… whatever. Point is, it could be the most seductive individual ever doing the tickling and well… after that 0.16 of a second goes by, tickling kind of sucks.”
Carl muttered this drunkenly to a napkin dispenser while perusing through his Birdble app matches at his favorite dive tiki bar.
“‘DO I TICKLE YOUR FANCY?’ EW. Is that really this girl’s image caption???!” The monologue continued… “I’m going to TIKI the fancy of my next date. HAH. I’m so clever.”
Carl cracked himself up-- a half consumed piña colada and eight empty shot glasses lined up in front of him. Tequila of course… he had a meeting with his favorite (that’s what he likes him to think :::wink:::) employee D. Rock that afternoon. After listening to a 46 minute recap of his experience going to tequila tastings in Mexico-- only the most organic of course-- recently dumped Carl felt inspired to do his own personal tasting.
Carl hadn’t noticed, but the bartender, a rad girl named Charlotte, had started to eavesdrop on him. She was wearing these dope sunglasses with pink mirrored reflective lenses and a tiki theme print on the frame. Point being, you couldn’t see her eyes through the lenses, so Carl had nooo idea that she was actually observing his sloppy rant the WHOLE time.
“Excuse me,” Charlotte asked with a tone of concern, “I heard you talking to yourself and you said something about ‘Tiki-ing someone’s fancy’... what did you mean?”
“Watch.” Carl said with little reflection in his voice. “3… 2… 1…”
At that moment, a kind cormorant walks into the tiki bar. Carl looks at Charlotte, then feather-prints back into the Birdble app and holds his phone up to her. It’s a picture of the bird walking into the bar with a string of recent messages underneath it.
The cormorant walks over to Carl-- “Hey, are you Carl? I’m Carol.” At this point the empty shot glasses were at least cleaned up, and Carl had ruffled his feathers back into place while getting questioned by Charlotte. He looked a smidge under his personal-appearance-baseline.
“Hi Carol, I am Carl. Can I Tiki Your Fancy?”
Carol the Cormorant burst into a genuine hysterical laugh, “BECAUSE WE’RE IN A TIKI BAR!!!” she trilled, and ordered a piña colada. Carl thought her laugh was excessive, but liked that she could put down coladas and immediately recognized and approved of his bizarre sense of humor.
Carl and Carol decided to meet up again. They had a regular thing going for a solid 6 months. UNTIL... Carl tried to tickle her… and yep… nobody likes that. And GOSH, it’s so hard when your body is 92% feathers.
Anyways, like Carol, these “Can I Tiki Your Fancy” sunglasses are technically sloppy seconds. They’re the good kind of sloppy seconds though. The kind you want to wear while going out to tiki bars and ordering piña coladas.
* Side note: What we mean by sloppy seconds sunglasses (say that three times fast) is that we made this exact pair for our 2019 goodr ambassadors, aka our Flamboyance. We knew they were prettttyyy freaking cool, so we decided to share them with you a little after the fact. No offense.