goodr CEO, Carl the Flamingo, is back on the market! His last fling resembling any kind of “relationship” ended two hours ago with Paula the Peacock storming out during a lovely Thai dinner because Carl went, “Cooochie, coochie, koo,” in a cute baby voice and play-tickled her. Apparently, it was not cute. He has never, and will never, succeed trying to be cutesy… it’s not his MO.

“Nobody wants to be ‘tickled’... but ‘tiki-d’... that sounds intriguing. When the word “tiki” is heard, it elicits thoughts of slushy sweet coconutty beverages. Cool tropical decor, and you know, a bamboo bar, and funky looking heads. 

‘Tickled’... oh hellllll no. It can be fun for maybe 0.16 of a second, then, no matter who is doing the tickling, it could be Alaadin, yeah, he’s a cartoon character… okay so you didn’t feel that way about the Disney Arabian prince, ex street rat in floofy pants… whatever. Point is, it could be the most seductive individual ever doing the tickling and well… after that 0.16 of a second goes by, tickling kind of sucks.”

Carl muttered this drunkenly to a napkin dispenser while perusing through his Birdble app matches at his favorite dive tiki bar.